Marriage Course (Day 6)

Day 6

HOW TO HEAR FROM GOD 

Today is the last day of this marriage course and we’re going to learn how to hear from God. If you take into practice what you’ll be taught today, your Christian life will receive a major boost. 

Hearing from God is an asset every Christian should strive to acquire. This will help you build a more intimate relationship with God. The closer you are to God, the more He reveals Himself to you, and of course His plans and secrets will be made known to you too.

Decision making will be a lot easier because you will allow God lead you and His revelations and insights into matters will enable you make the right choice. 

On several occasions, people have approached me with interesting business opportunities and investments, but when I present them before the Lord for clarification, they often come out negative. So, I don’t delve into such businesses. At times, I feel God is being too strict. Why won’t He just let me invest and make more money? Well, God’s ways are not our ways. He can see the end of that business from the beginning, whereas you are limited to only the present. 

Taking decisions concerning your life, marriage, career, etc becomes much easier because you can now hear from God. Decisions taken based on God’s directive is a sure way to success. 

I encourage all of us to take these teachings seriously and please engage in the practical aspect of it too. Learning without practicing what you’ve been taught is non beneficial. 

Attached below is the link.

How to hear from God .

Marriage Course (Day 5)

Day 5

IN MARRIAGE, YOU STOOP TO CONQUER.

Humility plays a major role in making your marriage successful. You need to stay humble and forget your pride/ego. Afterall, the bible says God hates pride. 

Traditionally, there are roles assigned to the husbands in marriage, likewise the wives. Some forget that this is not a standard to adhere to doggedly. It’s just to help run the home smoothly. 

Some men believe cooking, washing dishes, doing laundry, changing babies diapers, etc are jobs meant for wives, therefore they refuse to share in these responsibilities no matter how stressed up their wives may be. 

On the other hand, some women believe mowing the lawn, taking the vehicle to the mechanic for servicing, taking out the trash, footing the bills, etc are roles meant for husbands in marriage. 

This position has brought a lot of havoc to the marriage institution. It is true there are certain roles meant for husbands, like providing for his family. What happens in the case where the husband is going through some financial challenges? Can’t the wife pick up this role, at least temporarily, pending when her spouse will be back on his feet? The case of being taken for granted is usually the fear restraining most women from helping out at a time like this. This should not be so. There should be no fear in marriage, rather trust. If you won’t do it for your spouse, do it for the love of God, for peace sake, for unity sake. Prayerfully take up this role for the time being, while interceding that God will speedily restore your husband’s finances, so he can once again resume his responsibilities. 

How about men who won’t cook or do other similar things related to a wife’s role in  the marriage? Doing these things doesn’t make you less of a man nor does it take your headship of the home away from you. 

If you truly love each other, then there’s no big deal in stooping to take up one another’s role in time of trials or need. Everything is centered on love not our ego. No role is superior to the other, nor is there any role in marriage that is demeaning. 

In marriage, do yourself this favour, don’t attach so much importance to your pride or ego.  Don’t let the fear of “what will people say” when they see me doing these things in my marriage deter you from doing the right things. Do all to the glory of God and He who sees our hearts shall reward our efforts and make our marriages successful. 

PRAYERS FOR TODAY

  1. My Father, please give me the grace to live a humble life.
  1. Please Lord, don’t let me feel superior to my spouse or look down on him/her. 
  1. In this marriage, Father Lord, please help us to appreciate each other’s effort in Jesus name, Amen. 
  1. All the factors and weeds constituting problems in my marriage, be totally eradicated in Jesus name, Amen. 

Please note that each prayer should be prayed for at least 15 minutes. If you desire to pray more than that, that’s ok.

Marriage Course (Day 4)

Day 4

INVITING GOD INTO YOUR HOME. 

Jesus replied, Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. (John 14:23). 

From the above bible verse, we are told that God is willing to come and dwell in our homes and you know what to expect when this happens. The ambience of your home will certainly change. 

Remember how Jesus calmed the storm at the sea? The storm was so fierce, the disciples feared the boat would capsize. This is the same way Jesus will calm the storm in your marriage, if you let Him in. 

How do you invite God into your home? You need to create time for God. Dedicate a particular time of the day for Him, and ensure to always make yourself available at that time. It is called a covenant time with God. 

Follow the link below to read extensively on it. 

How to have a covenant time with God.

PRAYERS FOR TODAY

  1. Almighty God, please give me the grace to start and also keep to my covenant time with you in Jesus name, Amen. 
  1. Fire of God poses my marriage and turn it into your fire.
  1. Let my marriage become too hot for the enemy to manipulate.
  1. Father, please arise and fight for my marriage.

Please note that each prayer should be prayed for at least 15 minutes. If you desire to pray more than that, that’s ok. 

Marriage Course (Day 3)

Day 3

ENJOYING YOUR MARRIAGE 

Why did God institute marriage? For companionship and procreation. Marriage was not meant for you to endure but to enjoy. Spending time with your spouse is supposed to bring you joy, not sorrow. If you’re not finding joy in your marriage, then that marriage is faulty and you need God to help you fix it. 

You cannot fix your spouse, only God can do that. If you keep correcting and complaining, you’ll soon earn the title of a nag. So let God do it. 

Below tips will help you enjoy your marriage despite the challenges you may be facing now;

  1. Involve God: Prayerfully involve God in what is happening in your marriage. Tell God you’ve handed over your spouse and marriage to Him. He should help you fix it, so you can start enjoying your home. 
  1. Forgiveness: Please forgive your spouse, even if he/she hasn’t apologised for their wrongdoings. Jesus died for us while we were still sinners. He didn’t wait for us to repent before coming to die for us. He died even when we didn’t apologise for our sins. Kindly do same for your spouse today and enjoy peace of mind. Keep forgiving whenever any offence comes up. 
  1. Love unconditionally: The Bible teaches us to love our enemies, then how much more our spouses? Make up your mind to love your spouse despite he/she shortcomings. Tell yourself that you are prepared to forgive any sin he may commit in future because that’s exactly what Jesus has done for you too. Even the sins you are yet to commit, have already been forgiven since 2000 years ago. 
  1. Don’t expect appreciation

It’s very disheartening when you put in your best to do something and no one seems to appreciate it. Sometimes your spouse does it on purpose. He or she pretends not to see the neatly arranged parlour or the beautifully made bedroom. How about that special dinner you just fixed? All goes unnoticed. Very painful indeed. Be consoled by this word of God, which says : 

Colossians 3:23-24 (KJV) 

And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;

Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.

Never do anything expecting a thank you from your spouse. Do all unto God, for He is your rewarder. He alone can pay you back for the love, time and energy invested into building your home. While you tend to the Master’s job (which is being  a good spouse, God will in turn work on your partner,  to bring forth a better version of him or her). 

  1. Ignore certain things. 

Not every matter should be brought forward for discussion. Learn to ignore some things and let God handle it. If you keep pointing out your spouse’s mistakes, you may make him or her feel uncomfortable around you or worse still, you end up sounding like a nag. Just ignore. Always pray for your spouse and believe God is able to resolve any marital problems you may be facing now. 

  1. Communication is vital

We all know the important role Communication plays in making any marriage successful. 

In your marriage, don’t assume. Always clarify things. Pass your message in a timely manner; that is, watch out for his or her mood and be precise.

Try to speak about important issues, so that you’ll always get his or her attention. If you keep speaking on every issue that comes up at home, you’ll soon start sounding boring. Learn to speak to your Heavenly Father on some issues, rather than presenting all to your spouse.

Speak clearly and don’t assume he or she has heard, but chose to ignore you. That may not be the case. Sometimes, when I have a very important issue to tell my spouse, I send a message to his phone. It may be a bit lengthy but unambiguous. I don’t do this often, so when he receives such messages, he considers it important and takes time to read it, so no information is lost.

  1. Touch your spouse 

Touch is another way of communicating with your spouse. Sometimes a simple touch on the arm of your spouse as you walk pass him or her could simply mean I care.

Touch has a way of breaking down tension in the home, especially when communication has failed. 

Just a gentle touch on any part of the body and walk away without saying a word. It helps heal the mind and rekindles love. 

  1. Make yourself available 

Most times when couples have unresolved issues, they tend to avoid each other. This makes things more difficult and increases the tension at home. 

It’s rather advisable to make yourself available in case your partner feels like making peace with you. By being available, you make it a bit easier for your spouse to pour out his or her mind to you.

Some feel, staying around their spouse makes them feel like they’re intruding or invading their privacy. I totally understand, so I advise you stay for a brief moment and watch their reaction, then decide whether to stay or leave.

In order not to make it look boring or weird, take a book with you to read or keep yourself busy while being around your spouse. Bear in mind that your spouse may not say anything, that’s totally fine. Your staying around him/her will certainly reduce the tension and open doors to easy communication. 

  1. Bask in God’s presence 

Your marriage is already facing crises right now, so enjoying that marriage will require a determined effort by you to stay positive, calm and happy. Yes, I said happy. You’re wondering how possible it is to stay happy in a marriage that is falling apart. 

It is possible, when you learn to bask in God’s presence. Inviting God into your home and cultivating the habit of spending time with Him, will certainly yield positive vibes in your home. You’ll soon come to the realisation that God is in total control of your life and marriage and nothing can happen without His consent. 

When you spend time with God daily, you are basking in His presence. The more time you spend with God, the more glorious He makes your life, and soon you’ll stop worrying about your marriage because God has got your back. 

  1. Speak calmly and softly 

When your spouse gets upset and starts speaking in a loud or rude manner, stay calm and respond in a soft tone. Your calm soft response has a way of calming the nerves, while a rude sharp response would only feed the anger in him or her. 

Don’t consider yourself a weakling when you act like this. This is the way of the Lord, and it usually brings fantastic results. 

Proverbs 15:1 says; “A soft word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

PRAYERS FOR TODAY

  1. Oh God arise and let your perfect will be done in my life and marriage in Jesus name, Amen. 
  1. My Father in Heaven, please touch the heart of my husband/wife and draw him/her closer to you.
  1. Teach me Lord how to hear from you and show me the path to follow in Jesus name, Amen. 
  1. Dear Lord, please uproot whatever you did not plant in my marriage in Jesus name, Amen. 

Please note that each prayer should be prayed for at least 15 minutes. If you desire to pray more than that, that’s ok.

Marriage Course (Day 2)

Marriage Course

Day 2

Why prayer is important in making your marriage a success. 

What is prayer? Prayer is talking to God. Why do you need to talk to God? You talk to God because He created everything and knows all that is happening in our lives. This world belongs to God. He formed it and He controls it. Nothing happens in this world without His knowledge. Therefore, God is aware of everything happening in your life and marriage. 

If you want to succeed in your marriage, then you definitely need God and the easiest and surest way to reach God is through prayers. 

This marriage course would be incomplete without prayers. That’s why we incorporate prayers into our daily teachings. These prayers are results yielding prayers, so oblige yourself this opportunity and pray well.

I usually encourage you to pray each prayer for at least 15 minutes and you may be wondering why. The reason is because persistence is one of the keys to answered prayers. It demonstrates the seriousness and eagerness of the person praying and this attracts God’s attention. 

Most importantly, Jesus himself applied this method while praying at the Garden of Gethsemane. Please see below scripture:

Matthew 26:44 (KJV)  And he left them, and went away again, and prayed the third time, saying the same words.

This bible passage makes us understand that Jesus prayed the same prayer three times and we know that Jesus spent not less than one hour at Gethsemane praying. Although some bible scholars say he spent three hours praying. 

Matthew 26:40 (KJV)  And he cometh unto the disciples, and findeth them asleep, and saith unto Peter, What, could ye not watch with me one hour?

In conclusion, if Jesus could spend an hour praying the same prayer, then we can safely follow his footsteps by employing this method of prayer. 

You will agree with me that Jesus, being a man of prayer, must have been praying in this manner for quite some time before the Gethsemane experience. So that wasn’t his first time praying for an hour or more. Therefore, we Christians have no excuse whatsoever not to pray intense prayers, especially at difficult moments of our lives. A life or marriage devoid of prayers is bound to crash. 

PRAYERS FOR TODAY

  1. Dear Lord, please strengthen me in the place of prayer.
  1. Oh Lord, please give me the grace to pray without ceasing. 
  1. Let all the factors and weeds constituting problems in my marriage, be totally eradicated in Jesus name, Amen. 
  1. My Father in Heaven, please give me a teachable spirit.

Please note that each prayer should be prayed for at least 15 minutes. If you desire to pray more than that, that’s ok.

Marriage Course. (Day 1)

Marriage course 

DAY 1

There is no marriage that is perfect. That’s just the fact. The secret to enjoying your marriage is knowing how to weather the bad times, because it is during the bad times that couples get fade up and want a way out. So if you know how to weather these bad times, then your marriage will work out fine and you will enjoy a lasting relationship with your spouse. 

FACTORS THAT CAUSE BAD TIMES IN MARRIAGES. 

  1. Finances
  2. Communication breakdown 
  3. Sex
  4. Infidelity 
  5. Distrust 
  6. Childlessness
  7. Distant relationship 
  8. Please add yours to the list….

If you noticed from the list above, I didn’t include lack of love. This is because from day one you loved the man or woman you got married to,  but due to some major differences that have crept into the marriage, you no longer feel that love for your spouse. Now, you’ve come to the conclusion that love no longer exist. No, this is not true. Love is still there, it has gone nowhere. The reason you no longer feel it, is because the unpleasant things in your marriage now outweigh the love you feel for your spouse. 

Therefore, if we successfully weed out these unpleasant things, then the love will sprout back to life. That love is still there in your heart, but you no longer feel it because its been suppressed. 

In this marriage course, one of our cardinal focal point is to weed out those elements that are suppressing love in marriages. 

THE WEEDS IN MARRIAGES 

  1. Anger
  2. Worry 
  3. Anxiety 
  4. Envy
  5. Low self esteem
  6. Lack of appreciation 
  7. Fear
  8. Selfishness or self centred 
  9. Nagging or fault finding 
  10. Please add yours to the list

It is ok to also classify factors that cause bad times in marriages as weeds. Anything that obstructs the growth of a marriage can be termed as a weed. 

PRAYERS FOR TODAY

  1. Father in Heaven, please locate any weed in my marriage and burn them up in the name of Jesus, Amen. 
  1. Any weed assigned to choke up my marriage, be consumed by the fire of God. 
  1. Oh Lord My Father, You are called the consuming fire, please let your fire pass through my marriage and let everything you did not plant be totally destroyed in the mighty name of Jesus, Amen.

Please note that each prayer should be prayed for at least 15 minutes. If you desire to pray more than that, that’s ok.

Tips on how to save your marriage.

Marriage is glorious if you allow God lead. Every tip I will be sharing here is based on Christ the Solid Rock. If your marriage is not based on Jesus Christ, then when the storms of life rage, that marriage may come crumbling down. My prayer for you is that, you will prayerfully submit your marriage to God and ask Him to take charge from henceforth. 

Below are some tips to help save or salvage your marriage. It may not be applicable in all cases but I am convinced that you will definitely find some of these tips useful and workable. 

  1. Honesty. 

Living a life of pretence with your spouse is going to open doors to the enemy to attack your home. The bible tells us that the devil is the father of those who tell lies. If you’re deceitful in your dealings with your spouse, then God is not your father. If God is not your father, who will you turn to in times of trouble? 

Some partners hide their wages from each other. No one knows exactly what the other is earning. There is a problem brewing here. What’s the secrecy all about? Where there is no trust in marriage, there is no future. How can you plan your future with someone you don’t trust? 

If you are consciously hiding vital information from your spouse, please repent. Ask God to give you the grace to be transparent and truthful with your spouse and ask Him to also do same to your partner. 

  1. Finding faults 

Some people are hard to please. No matter what you do, they’ll always find fault. You tidy up the house, they come home and complain you forgot to dust a thing or two. No appreciation whatsoever on the job done, they only complain about the undone ones. You cook a meal, they come home and wonder why you didn’t cook something else, forgetting that they never requested for a particular meal. 

Being married to such a spouse isn’t easy at all, but the bible assures us that we have a Helper and Comforter. He is called the Holy Spirit. He will also strengthen you to do all things. Take for instance my case. I am married to someone with very high standards, whereas I’m more of a carefree type. So it took the help of the Holy Spirit to shape me up. Today, we live peacefully because I know how he prefers things done and I follow that pattern, even though I may have my ways. I submit to his, because this is what pleases the Lord. 

So, the key to succeed in this case, is grace. You need help from above, so go ahead and ask. 

  1. Don’t expect appreciation

It’s very disheartening when you put in your best to do something and no one seems to appreciate it. Sometimes your spouse does it on purpose. He or she pretends not to see the neatly arranged parlour or the beautifully made bedroom. How about that special dinner you just fixed? All goes unnoticed. Very painful indeed. Be consoled by this word of God, which says : 

Colossians 3:23-24 (KJV) 

And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;

Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.

Never do anything expecting a thank you from your spouse. Do all unto God, for He is your rewarder. He alone can pay you back for the love, time and energy invested into building your home. While you tend to the Master’s job (which is being  a good homemaker, God will in turn work on your spouse,  to bring forth a better version of him or her). 

  1. Communication is vital

We all know the important role Communication plays in making any marriage successful. 

In your marriage, don’t assume. Always clarify things. Pass your message in a timely manner; that is, watch out for his or her mood and be precise.

Try to speak about important issues, so that you’ll always get his or her attention. If you keep speaking on every issue that comes up at home, you’ll soon start sounding boring. Learn to speak to your Heavenly Father on some issues, rather than presenting all to your spouse.

Speak clearly and don’t assume he or she has heard, but chose to ignore you. That may not be the case. Sometimes, when I have a very important issue to tell my spouse, I send a message to his phone. It may be a bit lengthy but unambiguous. I don’t do this often, so when he receives such messages, he considers it important and takes time to read it, so no information is lost.

  1. Touch your spouse 

Touch is another way of communicating with your spouse. Sometimes a simple touch on the arm of your spouse as you walk pass him or her could simply mean I care.

Touch has a way of breaking down tension in the home, especially when communication has failed. 

Just a gentle touch on any part of the body and walk away without saying a word. It helps heal the mind and rekindles love. 

  1. Ignore certain things. 

Not every matter should be brought forward for discussion. Learn to ignore some things and let God handle it. If you keep pointing out your spouse’s mistakes, you may make him or her feel uncomfortable around you or worse still, you end up sounding like a nag. Just ignore. Always pray for your spouse and believe God is able to resolve any marital problems you may be facing now. 

  1. Keep doing good. 

Doing good to someone who loves you and reciprocates same, does not count much. Whereas, doing good to someone who doesn’t love or appreciate you, is the biblical way. We are admonished to love our enemies, how much more your spouse? 

Love your spouse and keep doing good and trust God to turn things around in your favour. Don’t pay back evil for evil, it won’t yield any beneficial result. 

  1. Learn to forgive

It is easier to forgive someone who hurts you and tenders an apology, but how easy is it to forgive someone who hurts you but doesn’t apologise? Do you resent that person and store up the hurt in your heart? Most likely yes, but that is not the solution. 

The best thing is to forgive even when no apology has been tendered. Just let it go. Yes, it’s not easy but with the help of the Holy Spirit you can always forgive your spouse, even when he or she hasn’t apologised. 

When you do this, you feel good, happy and relaxed. Whereas, resentment and bitterness keep you tensed up, unhappy and it’s not good for your health.

  1. Speak calmly and softly 

When your spouse gets upset and starts speaking in a loud voice, stay calm and respond in a soft tone. Your calm soft response has a way of calming the nerves, while a rude sharp response would only feed the anger in him or her. 

Don’t consider yourself a weakling when you act like this. This is the way of the Lord, and it usually brings fantastic results. 

Proverbs 15:1 says; “A soft word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

  1. Involve God 

If you want to succeed in your marriage, then Involve God. He is the solution provider and your guide. He will teach you all things and lead you to the truth you need to know about your spouse, marriage, career, etc. God is all knowing and He is willing to share what He knows with you, if you will let Him.

In times of trouble, stay calm and talk to Him like you would with a friend. He is listening and will surely arise for you. 

Stay Away From New Age and Yoga

Christ-centered ruminations

Hello Brethren,

I hope this message meets you well. I want to call specific attention to modern-day practices that is being normalized amongst Christians today. We need to speak the truth, and we need to speak boldly. Crystal balls, healing stones, Yoga, Astrology, Twin Flames, etc. All of these things are demonic. Anything that does not glorify God glorifies the devil. I say it again, anything that does not glorify God, glorifies the devil. I challenge you today to go around your house and discard anything that has evil or pagan roots, new age woo-woo, etc. I challenge you to throw them out or burn them (DO NOT RE-GIFT THEM). You see my friends, the world that we live in is a very spiritual world. People have been exposed to the spirit realm from even music and movies. We need to be careful in what we let around us. STOP…

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Divorce is not the answer.

Contents

  1. God has a solution to every faulty marriage, and it’s not divorce. 
  2. Your marriage is workable, dont give up.
  3. Steps to take to save your marriage.
  4. Creating a conducive home with the help of the Holy Spirit. 
  5. What to do if married to an abusive spouse.
  1. God has a solution to every faulty marriage, and it’s not divorce. 

Why did God institute marriage? God instituted marriage in order to raise godly seeds for Himself. Companionship is also one of the vital reasons God instituted marriage, so that man will not be alone. Loneliness is never a fun place to be, you will agree with me. So God who is all knowing purposed marriage to fill up these gaps in our lives. 

God instituted marriage to bring joy into our lives, not sorrow. It is a perfect gift from God.

If there is any problem in your marriage,  God is not responsible, for His thoughts towards you are thoughts of good not of evil. And if God is not responsible for the challenges you are facing in your marriage, then this is good news. Why is it good news? I call it good news because if God were responsible for the problems in your marriage, then who will you turn to for solutions? If God is truly your father, then you are already halfway in succeeding in that marriage. I said half way because, it is one thing to have God as your father and it’s entirely a different thing to recognise Him as such. It’s like having a problem with your car and the tool box is in the trunk of the car but you have no idea what each tool is meant for or how it’s operated. So yes, you have the solution to the problem of that car, right in front of you but yet the problem still can’t be fixed. The same is applicable to those who call God their father but do not recognise Him as such. 

    So the question in your mind now is, how do you recognise God as your father? Brilliant question! You recognise God has your father by allowing Him play that role in your life. What are the roles of a father? It is the Father’s job to ensure your safety, provide your needs, discipline you, comfort you and make you feel loved, etc. So now that we have mentioned a few roles of the father, how many of these roles is God actually playing in your life? Do you carry all the burden on your shoulders forgetting that it isn’t your job? The burden belongs to God. 

A lot of people do not recognise God as their father because they don’t trust Him enough to handle their problems. They believe He is up there and can’t get involved with matters down here. That’s not true. God created the heavens and the earth and everything in it. Nothing happens here on earth without God’s knowledge. Even before you started having problems in your marriage, He saw it coming but couldn’t forewarn you because you dont have a relationship with Him and hence cannot recognise His voice when He speaks. 

It is essential that every Christian hears from God and also knows the means through which God speaks to them, (I have written an ebook on that titled “HOW TO HEAR GOD FOR YOURSELF”). Possessing this ability helps us steer clear of problems or shows us the solution to problems. Many will not be facing the unpleasant situation in their marriages today, if they had heard God’s warning against marrying the spouse they chose. 

That is why it’s advisable to always allow God choose your marriage partner, and not we ourselves. You cannot see into the furture, neither do you know the real intent of the person you are marrying. Only God sees the heart of man. Unfortunately, some people get married just to achieve their selfish ambitions, therefore satisfying the other partner or making him or her happy is not their priority. Such marriage will definitely have issues. When God is the one choosing your partner, He knows who will complement you and help you fulfil your divine purpose here on earth. 

So what happens if you have already made the wrong decision in marriage? The bible says with God all things are possible. Secondly, Romans 8:28 says “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them”. So, it’s possible for God to fix that faulty marriage and also use that ugly situation to bring good into your life.  That bible verse says this is achievable for those who love God and are called according to His purpose. So are you in agreement with God  concerning your life here on earth? Are you here to please God or yourself? Do you live each day of your life with heaven in mind? And of course the most important question, do you love God? These are  questions that require candid answers and sober reflection. If you are not living a purpose driven life according to God’s plans for you, then make a conscious effort to start doing so now. 

Making a wrong decision in marriage isn’t the end of the world. God can still fix it. Going for a divorce is not God’s way, because He is a covenant keeper. You entered into a covenant with your spouse in the presence of God and you vowed till death do you part. That is a covenant, and God is involved. God is willing to fix that marriage if you will trust Him. He will make that  marriage bloom and become a success.

  1. Your marriage is workable, dont give up.

Sometimes God permits certain unpleasant things to happen in our lives, to help mold us into who He wants us to be. It is not God’s will that you should have a turbulent marriage but if you happen to find yourself in one, believe that what was meant to break you will eventually be used by God to strengthen you. 

God may choose to use that problem in your life to draw you closer to Him. Some Christians dont seek God until there is an issue that requires divine intervention, then will they remember to call on God. This is not how God wants to relate with us. We must always be available for Him. We shouldn’t see Him only as our problem fixer, it’s quite unfair to treat God that way. When God tries to reach out to you but you seem too busy for Him, then a time will come when you will be the one chasing Him to come to fix your life.

Why must we wait until there is a problem in our lives before we seek God? Isn’t that a self centred relationship? If your spouse were to treat you in this same manner, would you feel loved and appreciated? Why not love God with all your being and watch Him work things out for you? Make God your priority, create time for Him, seek His presence and dwell there, learn to communicate with Him, foster the habit of involving Him in all your decision making and learn how to cast your burden on Him. 

I strongly believe that any faulty marriage can be fixed, if you allow God to be at the centre of it. The bible tells us that God hates divorce, therefore whenever there is a challenge, don’t contemplate divorce, rather call unto God to intervene. We can not place enough emphasis on the importance of prayer in a believer’s life. Prayer is the way to communicate with God and invite Him into issues of our lives. When you commit everything into God’s hands, by praying, God will always come through and He is never too late. While you wait on God to work out your marriage, stay calm and keep loving your spouse. Don’t stop being nice and caring because you feel your spouse doesn’t deserve it, no, the bible says love your enemies. Do not pay back evil for evil, no good can ever come out of that. 

If you are married to an abusive partner, it’s advisable to separate for a while and keep interceding for him or her from a safe place. God may choose to use your prayers and bring Him or her to Christ. Some are married to men and women who claim to be born  again Christians, yet the fruits of the spirit are not evident in them. They still beat their spouses, inflict emotional and psychological trauma on them, yell and threaten them at the slightest provocation. Such, are not true Christians, please stay far away from them until God has perfected His work in their lives. Being separated from them, pending when God will work things out, doesn’t mean you are divorced. You are still married and must remain faithful to your spouse. This is not the time to cheat on your spouse but rather a time to pray and seek the face of God concerning your home. It is possible for an abusive partner to genuinely repent and become a new person in Christ Jesus. You can not bring that divine change upon your spouse, only God can. Many people believe they can make their spouses a better person by constantly correcting them or pointing out their errors to them, unfortunately this will not help. It will only earn you the tag of a nag. If you purchase a Toyota car and it develops a fault, the best thing to do is take it to a Toyota workshop and get it fixed. If you try to fix that car on your own, you may likely leave it in a worse condition than it was before. Your spouse is the car and God is the workshop, let Him do the fixing. Your job is to report the problem to Him. He created your spouse, therefore He knows every component in him or her.

  1. Steps to take to save your marriage.

Our society can be a better place if we take necessary steps to ensure that marriages and homes are built on the right foundations and principles. The society is formed as a result of a man and woman coming together in marriage and this births a family. 

A faulty marriage will birth a faulty family. Children who grow up in turbulent homes are most likely to become a concern to the society. So it’s of paramount importance that we dedicate time and energy to ensure that our marriages are kept intact, safe from vices and destructive influences. 

In this chapter, we will talk about those steps which we can apply to keep our marriages and homes safe.

  1. Prayer: no matter how we try to shy away from this, prayer still remains the number one key to a successful marriage. Keeping your marriage safe requires seriousness in your prayer life. Jesus Christ is the same, yesterday, today and forever. He is our role model. He lived a successful life here on earth and we all know Him as a prayerful person. The Son of God prayed while here on earth, and He prayed real hard. It is no small feat to pray till your sweat drops like blood to the ground, but this is what happened to Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane before his crucifixion. 

Jesus has not called us to pray till our sweat turns into blood, He only asked us to pray without ceasing. Why do we need to pray without ceasing? It’s because the world is full of evil and any true Christian is in constant battle with the enemy, the devil, whether you are aware of it or not. The bible records that the devil is out there to steal, kill and destroy. Marriage is a key component in the society, if we get it wrong there, then the world at large is in trouble. So it’s not  a surprise that most marriages are facing attacks from the pit of hell, this is to ensure godly seeds are not raised who will eventually take over the society for Christ.

So when you face problems in your marriage, your first port of call is your Heavenly Father and you can’t reach Him except through prayers. God is your father, He is not there to condemn you, even if you are the originator of the problem in your marriage.  Rather He is there to help you and give you joy in abundance. Pour out everything to Him and sit still, do not fret. God created the whole world and everything in it, your spouse inclusive. There is nothing God can not do and there is no situation beyond repairs when God is involved. 

  1. Seek godly counsel: God has made available people whom He has gifted the ability to discern and counsel marital issues biblically. You can find them in the church or the secular circle. Don’t just walk through any door in search of counselling. Some are out there to feed you worldly views and solutions to marital problems. That is why you need to pray before you step out to seek counselling. 

It is advisable that both parties attend the counselling sessions, as this will enable them to air their differences, thus granting more illumination into the situation to further help the Counsellor take necessary steps in resolving the problem. 

In some cases, the healing process may even begin on the first day of the counselling sessions, because there is a tendency for each party to air their grievances to the Counsellor more than they would to their spouses. Some spouses have locked up their emotions and have become embittered towards each other due to inability to communicate their hurts to their partners. Some have tried proffering solutions in the past, only to be ignored or shut out. So the counselling session now provides the long awaited opportunity to voice out their pains. It is important for each couple to listen with an unbiased mind to what their partner is saying because they may actually begin to see where they went wrong in the first place. Going there with the mindset of getting a solution to their present problem is key to benefiting from the counselling, rather than attending the sessions just to prove who is right or wrong. That is why you must carry God along in this too. That you are seeking godly counselling doesn’t mean God should take the back seat. Get Him involved right from the beginning. Ask Him to speak to your spouse and prepare him or her,  before you go ahead to invite them for counselling. Also ask God to prepare your mind and that of your spouse and make it a fertile ground where the godly counsel may grow and bear fruits in your lives. 

C. Forgive your spouse: there is no sin in the bible where God has asked not to forgive. Even Jesus forgave the adulterous woman who was caught in the act. Forgiving your spouse is beneficial to you too, beecause it helps you heal faster. 

Dont wait for your spouse to come and apologise before you forgive, because we do not know when God will finish His work on him or her. Simply make up your mind to let go and forgive. See it as a divine instruction from God.  Jesus said we should forgive those who offend us

 70 x 7 times, to me this simply means no matter how many times someone offends you, keep forgiving. There is no limitation to forgiveness. “But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:15 NLT).

The above Bible verse is very clear on God’s stand with regards to forgiveness. Every true believer must understand that there is no room for grudges in our hearts.  Unforgiveness disconnects us from God. It hinders the free flow of God’s Spirit in our lives. Making heaven is sticking to God’s commands, and forgiveness is one of them. As Christians, heaven is our final destination, but we can only be granted access if we learn to forgive one another and adhere to God’s instructions. Don’t wait till the pain is gone before you forgive. Make up your mind to forgive and ask God to give you the grace to do so, then trust God to take care of  the rest.

d. Keep doing good: we are told in the bible to love our enemies, but in this case your spouse isn’t the enemy, rather the devil is. Keep loving your spouse no matter what. Don’t let hate and bitterness entangle you, set your mind free and focus on the word of God. We can not trust our emotions at times like this because it’s bent on satisfying the flesh. We are not called to satisfy our flesh but to obey God and choose His ways at all times, even when we are not comfortable with it. The flesh is constantly at war with the spirit, that’s why we sometimes find it difficult to yield to God’s ways and we know God’s way is always the best. 

Keep doing good to your spouse, even if there is no show of gratitude from him or her. Your Heavenly Father who sees what you do in the secret, will reward you openly. Don’t pay back evil with evil, nothing good will come out of it. Pay back evil with good and leave the rest to God. 

When you are tempted to give up on your good deeds, remember Jesus. He died for us even while we were still sinners. Our sins couldn’t stop Him from doing the good His Father asked him to. Anywhere Jesus went, He kept doing good, nothing in our sinful nature could hinder Jesus from doing what is right. The same should be applicable to all Christians. Keep doing good, no matter the situation you find yourself in. 

 e. Dwell in God’s presence daily: dwelling in God’s presence doesn’t mean staying in church. We all know God dwells within us in the person of the Holy Spirit, working out God’s eternal purpose in our lives.  Daily dwelling in God’s presence implies consciously conceding your right to live the way it pleases you. You wake each day fully aware that you are stepping out to do God’s purpose and not yours. Sitting down daily at His feet to find out what he desires for you to do is practicing how to dwell in God’s presence. Every Christian whether married or not needs to come to this understanding and implement it in their lives. This is the only way we can live a purpose driven life. 

Many couples are experiencing marital problems because, even before marriage they had no idea what it meant to daily dwell in God’s presence. They lived life as it pleased them and accepted whatever or whoever came their way. No conscious effort was made to know God’s will concerning their life partners. Some already had the type or spec of whom they will end up with in marriage, so anything short of that loses its appeal to them. In their decision making, they forgot what Isaiah 55:8 says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. 

Now, how will dwelling in God’s presence help you save your marriage? God can do alot in your life, not only in your marriage when you learn how to dwell in His presence. As earlier said, it is a conscious effort on your part to daily practice this by granting God access into every area of your life and allowing Him to take charge and be the decision maker. 

Create out time to spend with God, make it a specific time and try to keep to it. Tell God the time you have chosen and make it a covenant with Him that you will always be there at that particular time. Call it a covenant time. During your covenant time, take a journal with you to write down what God lays in your heart. Also go along with your bible  and a Christian spirit uplifting book, spend a minimum of 30 minutes there with God, you may decide to make it longer. Don’t be in a hurry to leave His presence, allow His glory and presence come upon you. You may not see what is transpiring as you sit there in fellowship with God, but if it pleases the Lord He may choose to reveal this to you at His own time. Keep doing this daily and take note of your dreams too. I love doing mine in the night so I can sleep after and expect the Lord to speak. God is still speaking to us through various ways, and one of it is dreams. 

It’s essential to learn how to hear from God, because He desires to comfort you, lead you and direct you. 

Some solutions to life problems may be revealed to you through dreams, so please ask God to grant you divine revelations. He says Jeremiah 33.3 “Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.”

Aside from keeping your covenant time with God, live each day intentionally. Decide to please God in your ways by letting Him lead you. Ask Him questions before you embark on anything. Make Him know that His opinion counts and He is important in your life. Learn to talk to God as the day goes by, because He is right there with you though you can’t see Him with your physical eyes. When you engage God in this manner, you are daily dwelling in His presence. You are living each day for Him and not for yourself, making Him the Head over your life, marriage, career, etc. 

When you dwell in His presence, His nature rubs off on you and you see yourself effortlessly desiring to live a holy life, wanting more of Him and craving for your covenant time to approach so you could crawl back into His arms and be comforted. This is called intimacy with God. You are gradually being infused into Him.

When you become one with God, you no longer desire your will. You now live daily for Him. You emulate Jesus easily and this is when you can effortlessly resolve conflict in your home because it’s no longer important to you who is right, or who is wrong. You are more concerned in bringing Jesus into your marriage to reign. You now live a selfless life, putting others before you. Forgiving your spouse anytime he or she errs is no longer an ordeal because you’ve tasted the Father’s love and come to the realisation that love is the ultimate healing balm. When you love your enemies as the bible instructs us to, you no longer harbour hatred towards them but compassion and love. You are now more concerned about their spiritual welfare and upliftment. You care more for them now and pray often for them. You no longer see them as your enemies but the devil who is working evil through them. 

If you apply this principle of loving your enemies in your dealings with your spouse, you will find it easy to live a peaceful life with them. You will always remember that Jesus loved us even while we were still sinners and He has called us to do same. 

4. Creating a conducive home with the help  of the Holy Spirit. 

For your marriage to thrive, you need a conducive home. A place filled with God’s presence and love. Our homes should be that place of succour where our spouses look forward to returning to after the day’s hassle. 

Naturally we all desire a peaceful and loving home, but hard as we try, we still notice a bit of disharmony. Sometimes, after exacting energy and time to create a warm ambience at home, all you receive is ingratitude. Your spouse seems not to notice all you’ve done or intentionally decides to ignore it. At times, he or she may still find something to criticise despite the commendable job done. All these are targeted at provoking or discouraging you. In the previous chapter we discussed how doing good to your spouse can help you save your marriage. So, if you have decided to apply that step, then be ready to ignore any form of ingratitude from your spouse. Don’t do anything expecting a “thank you” or “well done”, do it because Jesus did it too and he has commanded us to imitate His ways. While Jesus hung on the cross bleeding for sins which He never committed, He was offered vinegar to drink and made mockery of. He was not appreciated for that huge sacrifice done to save humanity. 

We have been called to obey God and choose His ways at all times, though the road be rough and bumpy, we are to hold fast to what we profess as Christians. We are called Christians because we emulate Christ. How many of us are truly living that Christ-like life in our homes? Can we go the extra mile for our spouses? Can we be spat upon without retaliating? Can we bear shame and humiliation that the name of Jesus be glorified? When your spouse speaks unkind and belittling words to you, how do you react? Indeed it is a hard thing to follow Jesus, but His grace is sufficient for those who are willing. 

To create a conducive home, you must die to self. It’s no longer about you, but Christ. Be ready to forgive even when no apology has been tendered. Focus more on pleasing God with your conduct and let God handle the rest for you. Proverbs 16:7 says “When a man’s ways please the LORD, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him”. No, your spouse is not your enemy but the devil, so if God can make your enemies to be at peace with you, how much more your spouse? God can fix that too. So your primary responsibility is to please God, and do His will. 

We all need the help of the Holy Spirit to succeed in our marriages. He is called our helper because “He will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you” (John 14: 26). 

The Holy Spirit is also known as the Advocate, to help you make good decisions. He dwells in you and empowers you to do what ordinarily you wouldn’t be able to. 

To further understand how to run your home peacefully, you will need divine wisdom and inspiration and the Holy Spirit is here to help you out in that area too as it’s written in  1 Corinthians 2:10-11 “These are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who knows a person’s thoughts except for their own spirit within them? In the same way, no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God”. Do you want to know God’s thoughts towards you, your spouse or your marriage? Then, daily pray for a fresh infilling of the Holy Spirit in your life. He will illuminate your path and grant you divine wisdom and understanding. 

5. Domestic violence in   marriage; what to do.

It’s sad and unfortunate that some have ended up in marriages where they are abused and maltreated by their spouses. In most cases women are the victims and some have even lost their lives. 

In this chapter, I am going to write from the perspective of a woman because women are most vulnerable in this issue.

It is true that God hates divorce but neither is He in support of abusive marriage. I believe here is when separation is allowed for safety sake. Separation is not divorce, neither is it a time of freedom to practice immorality. It is a time for sober reflection and prayer for divine intervention in your marriage. It is also a time to work on yourself in order to be a better version of you, because we all are a work in progress, we have not yet attained that height of perfection in Christ. The tendency to fall into sin is in us, therefore pray intensely for both you and your spouse, that this time of separation will not be used by the devil to wreck more havoc in your home. 

Spend quality time daily in God’s presence, allow Him purge you, cleanse you and restore you. The pains, tears and emotional trauma can all be healed at the feet of our Lord Jesus Christ. You are not alone in this, He is with you all the way. Certain questions may come to your mind now, like why did God allow all these in the first place? Is He not the Almighty? Why couldn’t He stop it before it got this bad. These are all valid questions which I will use the parable of the wheat and tares to answer. I am not in the position to give you a perfect answer, for that is the work of the Holy Spirit. He teaches us all truth. I will only try to shade some light on why these unpleasant things happen.

The parable of the wheat and tares  found in  Matthew 13:24-30, makes us understand that while men slept the enemy sowed tares in their lifes, in this case I may say marriage. The problem in your marriage isn’t caused by God. The devil is responsible. He sowed tares in your marriage for that is his job;  to steal, kill and destroy and for this reason the bible asks us to watch and pray. Most people don’t pray for their spouses until things go wrong. We are expected to pray without ceasing. Create out time for prayer and be intentional about it. Devote adequate time to prayer as you do with other activities. It should rank as one of your most important jobs on your daily task list. 

In the parable, we notice that the tares were allowed to grow alongside with the wheat until harvest time when they shall be separated. The tares in our lives aren’t meant to destroy us but to work out perfection in us. Some challenges we encounter in marriages are permitted by God in order that we might bear the fruits of the spirit, which are:, love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control –Galatians 5:22-23. So what has bearing the fruits of the spirit got to do with being separated from your spouse? We shall be taking a  look at each of these fruits to see what they signify in the life of a Christian. 

  1. Love: John 15:9-11 (NIV) says “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.”  This bible verse admonishes us to remain in God’s love, and if you do, then your joy will be complete. No matter what your spouse has done to you, forgive and let go, only then will you be truly happy. You cannot bear a grudge against someone and be truly happy. The thought of that person constantly brings pain to your heart and this will definitely delay your healing and restoration. This is why God’s love must always abound in our hearts, to keep it pure and free from hatred and bitterness. Jesus kept His father’s command and remained in His love, will you also keep the Father’s command? 
  1.  Joy:  James 1:2-3 (NIV)

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance”. We are made to understand in this bible portion that a believer’s life is not void of trials, infact, it even says “trials of many kinds”. God permits trials in our lives to work out perseverance. The life of a Christian is not a jolly ride, there are bumps and hudles here and there which we need to be prepared for. The perseverance God is working out in our lives is to ensure that we are prepared for what lies ahead of us as we journey through life on earth. We need to be equipped with the right attributes lest we fall by the wayside. Being separated from your spouse shouldn’t sadden you but rather see it as a thing of joy, because in the midst of this mess, something new and glorious will be birthed. 

  1. Peace:  John 16:33 (NIV)

 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” A time of separation is not the time to lose your cool and become desperate. Jesus Christ has already overcome the world and every problem that lies therein. The problem in your marriage didn’t come as a surprise to God, He is all knowing.  God will save your marriage, keep still and don’t fret. While you wait on God to resolve any issues between you and your spouse, stay in the place of prayer and let the peace that surpasses human understanding guard your heart and mind. 

  1. Patience: Ephesians 4:2 (NIV)

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love”. We are called to be patient and bear with one another. Some spouses cannot tolerate the shortcomings of their partner, they nag and nag and make home a miserable place for themselves. We should learn to overlook certain things in our marriages as long as they are not life threatening. When you find a fault in your spouse, your job is to pray for God to give them a new heart and take away those vices in them. No amount of nagging can change anyone, only God can. Be patient with one another and take everything to God in prayer. 

  1. Kindness: Romans 4:2 (NIV)

“Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin? ” There is no perfect human being on earth, all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. Despite our sins, God has not abandoned us neither has He given up on us. With God, there is always room for repentance and reconciliation. Ask yourself, have you created room in your heart for repentance and reconciliation with your spouse? Some women see separation from their spouse as a time to get even with their erring husbands, while some have vowed never to let their spouses back into their lives. From the standpoint of the Bible, these are all wrong mindsets orchestrated by the flesh and not the Holy Spirit. Having these mindsets will not allow the purpose of God to be fulfilled in your marriage or life. 

God has been kind to you by continually forgiving your sins, why can’t you do same for your spouse? Forgiving your spouse may seem such an impossible task, yes I totally agree but that’s why we have the Holy Spirit, our Helper. Ask Him to fill you with the fruits of the spirit and to enable you show kindness towards your spouse. 

  1. Goodness: 2 Thessalonians 1:11 (NIV)

“With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may bring to fruition your every desire for goodness and your every deed prompted by faith”.

Being good and desiring what is good is one of the fruits of the spirit. As the name implies, it simply means to be good. We know the qualities of a good person, we don’t need to list them out here. Naturally, a good person is a nice kind hearted fellow, always thinking good of others and does not desire evil to befall others. As a Christian who has been separated from your spouse, God expects you to keep being your good self. Don’t stop doing the good you’ve been known to be doing. Allow the Holy Spirit to flood your heart with beautiful ways of living a good and impactful life. 

  1. Faithfulness: 1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV)

“God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted above what you are able, but will with the temptation also make the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it”. 

Some may wonder, what if I stay separated from my spouse for years, how possible is it for me to stay faithful to him? Well, it’s not an easy place for anyone to find herself and it’s definitely a trying time. 

There are certain things that are humanly impossible for us to accomplish without the help of the Holy Spirit. He is the force that powers us to achieve the impossible. Staying faithful to your spouse no matter the duration of separation is tenable, but you must rely on the Holy Spirit to help you overcome the temptations that may arise. 

Another question that may come up at a time like this is, why should I stay faithful while my husband cheats on me? First and foremost, your body is not yours. It belongs to God. You are to please God with it and not man. Your primary role here on earth is to obey God and do His will and the bible has made us to understand that having intimate relationship with anyone other than your spouse is a sin. My question to you is this, will you obey God and keep yourself pure or will you emulate your spouse and sin against God? 

  1. Gentleness: Matthew 11:29 (NIV)

“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls”. Jesus Christ encourages us to be like Him, to live the kind of life He lived here on earth. He was gentle, kind and compassionate. These attributes should be found in us Christians too. We cannot say we are followers of Jesus, yet we live a lifestyle that chases people away from Christ. This bible verse tells us that when you are humble in heart, you will find rest for your soul. Being gentle doesn’t mean you are timid, it simply means that despite your strength and will power, you decide to stay humble/gentle so that the name of Jesus might be glorified. Perhaps, you have the power to pay back your spouse in his own coin but you choose not to, in order that Jesus be  glorified. 

A gentle person is often more organised and coordinated; every Christian wife should ask the Holy Spirit for this fruit of the spirit as it will help you run your home more smoothly. 

Being separated from your spouse doesn’t mean your home will not be restored. God is in the process of doing that and one of the things that will facilitate the speedy reconciliation with your spouse is to allow God to also work on you. When you reunite with your spouse, positive changes should be visible in you. Please don’t go back the same way you left, go back a better you, filled with the fruits of the spirit. This will enable you to overcome every temptation that may arise.

  1. Self-control: 2 Peter 1:5-7 (NIV)

“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love”.

Any person without self-control is an undisciplined person. To run a successful marriage, we need self-control and discipline. It takes self-control to overcome certain trials and temptations that come your way. There should be a boundary to what and who you allow in your home. Not everyone is welcomed in your home and certainly not every advice given should be taken. Some marriages have crashed simply because of bad advice from friends, colleagues etc. Set a standard for yourself and your home based on the leading of the Holy Spirit. Learn to use your time wisely and curtail time spent on frivolous things. 

Learn to control your tongue, it is a tiny piece in our body but very destructive if not tamed and put under control.  Many have used their tongues to ruin their homes. Don’t let your emotions control you but the Holy Spirit. Have self-control over your spending habits. You are a helper in every ramifications, including his finances. Try to manage the home front properly to avoid wastage.

Watch what you eat too. Let moderation be the key word. You need to stay healthy and finish well, so don’t let lack of self-control cost you your health and long life. 

These fruits of the spirit should be cultivated during the period of separation and of course at any point in time in the life of a Christian. When you accept the period of separation as a time of trial through which God will work out perfection in you, then the less likely you will feel abandoned and dejected. God is all knowing and He is also the Impossibility Specialist who can turn even the most difficult and unpleasant situation around for our good. Always trust Him. 

The End.

maryaukpong@gmail.com 

How to hear from God .

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HOW TO HEAR FROM GOD.

  CONTENTS 

  • 1. Does God still speak to us today?
  • 2. Must I be a pastor or prophet before I can hear God?
  • 3. What to do to hear from God.
  • 4. Ways God speaks to us.
  • 5. Things that hinder us from hearing God.
  1.   DOES GOD STILL SPEAK TO US TODAY?

The answer to the above question is a big yes!. In fact God yearns to speak with us, but unfortunately most of us are too busy chasing our dreams to listen to Him. 

Have you ever wondered why God created us? Well, the answer isn’t farfetched, it’s because God wants to have a relationship with us. That’s why we are created in His image, so we have the ability to relate with Him.

The problem here is that we are too busy. We wake each day and dash off the bed without even saying good morning Jesus, talk less of praying. God has given us 24 hours in a day, but we can’t give Him even 30 minutes or an hour of that time. We use up all the time for our personal satisfaction, forgetting that the Creator of the Universe, the owner of our lives and time is waiting patiently to hear from us.

Don’t be too busy for God, whatever you’re chasing out there, that is taking all your time, actually belongs to God. They are right in His palms waiting for you to come to Him and receive them. All you need to do is, learn how to speak to God daily, and not just that,  learn to wait at His feet to receive divine instructions that will lead you to your desired goal(s).

  1.  MUST I BE A PASTOR OR PROPHET BEFORE I CAN HEAR GOD?

The ability to hear God is not tied to any title or position. All God requires is for you to be a child of God, a true Christian. You may ask why must I be a born again Christian for God to speak to me? This is because once you accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Saviour, you automatically establish a link or connection to God Almighty. You cannot approach God without Jesus. He is the only way to God. Jesus Christ makes it possible for you to be recognized as a Child of God, meaning God is now your Father.  God gave us Jesus, so that mankind can have access to Him and relate with Him personally. 

So you don’t need to be a pastor or prophet before you can hear God. Neither do you have to go from one prayer house to the other in search of revelations and prophecies concerning your life. 

All you need to do is, cultivate the habit of sitting at the feet of Jesus to receive divine and priceless information and directions concerning your life, be it marriage, career, business, health, etc. 

If you have not yet given your life to Jesus, please it is necessary to do so now, because the remaining chapters of this ebook is centered on a spirit filled Christian. 

Wherever you are, say this simple prayer “LORD JESUS I ACCEPT YOU AS MY PERSONAL LORD AND SAVIOUR. I REPENT OF ALL MY SINS, AND I NOW INVITE YOU INTO MY LIFE. PLEASE COME AND TAKE CHARGE AND LET YOUR WILL BE DONE IN MY LIFE, IN JESUS NAME, AMEN.

  1. WHAT TO DO TO HEAR FROM GOD

God is a Spirit and those who worship Him must worship Him in spirit and in truth. What this simply means is that, you cannot expect to hear from God if you are canal in your dealings. Allow the Holy Spirit who resides in you to take charge of your affairs. You have accepted Jesus Christ into your life; hence you are no longer the master of your life but Him. Allow Him to dictate what happens in your life and not you or the circumstances surrounding you. 

You may wonder how can I do this? Simple, acknowledge Him in all your ways. You have heard that before, right? Let me break it down for you; before you go visit that friend, did you ask God if it is His will? Before you bought that form to proceed on a course, did you acknowledge God, by asking Him if you should or should not? You just went ahead right? Because it seemed right to you. Or probably, you wondered, even if I ask Him, how will I know His mindset concerning this particular issue? 

Well these are all valid points but certainly not the best way to live your life. You have been bought with a price and you now belong to God, so allow Him to take the lead while you follow. This is the sure way of fulfilling your purpose here on earth. 

I have set below some principles that will enable you hear God speak. They have worked for me and many others, but certainly not limited to these only.  

  1. Spending time with God: I started with this because this is the most important as far as I’m concerned. When you spend time with someone, you get to know the person better, his likes, dislikes, what pleases or displeases him or her, his or her character, what attracts them, what brings them joy, what turns them off, etc. The more you spend time with someone, the more the person opens up to you and draws closer to you, because he or she feels treasured and important. They begin to share their secrets with you, they give you access into their lives and personal information. 

This same principle applies with God too; you cannot expect God to reveal Himself to you when you don’t have time for Him. How will you know His voice when He speaks? The bible says in John 10:27

“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me”

How will you follow a voice you do not know? You can only know His voice by spending time at His feet daily, allowing Him feed you with His words, while you soak up His glorious presence in the process. His presence makes the difference in your life. 

In case you are wondering how to spend time with God, please follow below steps, but don’t be limited to this, allow the Holy Spirit lead you.

  • Pick a particular time of the day or night and call it your covenant time with God. It’s called a covenant time because you are entering into a covenant with God to always be there with Him at that particular time. That time is meant for Him ALONE. No phone calls please, no reading of sms, no chatting on social media, no distractions whatsoever. This particular time has been dedicated to God only. It’s a time of intimacy with your Creator, every other thing can wait. I usually advise people to pick a time during the night, so at least you are sure of peace and quiet. You may decide to make it 30 minutes and gradually upgrade to an hour or more as the Spirit leads. 
  •  After choosing your time, say this prayer ” DEAR LORD, I HAVE CHOSEN THIS PARTICULAR TIME TO BE WITH YOU (please mention the time you chose and how long you desire to stay with Him) AND LEARN AT YOUR FEET. I HAVE COME THAT YOU MAY PURGE ME AND MAKE ME WHOLE. SO THAT I CAN ABIDE IN YOU AND YOU IN ME. I DESIRE TO KNOW YOU MORE, IN ORDER TO HEAR YOUR VOICE AND OBEY. I LAY ALL MY PLANS AT YOUR FEET, AND I NOW TAKE UP YOUR OWN PLANS FOR MY LIFE. FROM TODAY LORD, PLEASE TAKE THE LEAD, WHILE I FOLLOW IN JESUS NAME, AMEN”.

You only need to say this prayer once, to signal the commencement of your covenant time with God. 

  • During your covenant time, please take along the following, (a) a journal to write what God says. This is important because it shows seriousness and readiness to do what He tells you (b) a bible, (c) hymn book or praise and worship songs, a Christian book on spiritual growth or relationship with God. 
  • When it’s time for you to start, begin by acknowledging His presence, because He is there already whether you can see Him or not. God always honours covenants. Remember it’s called covenant time, so God will ALWAYS be there, it’s your duty to ensure you don’t miss that particular time or go late. 
  • Ask Him to make you Christ like, and purge you of all that is not of Him, then begin to worship him with songs, hymns or reading psalms (I recommend psalms 92 to 100, and 145 to 150 because they center on exalting God and singing His praise). Covenant time is not a time to focus on your need or prayer requests, it’s solely for God and allowing Him cleanse you, so you can begin to hear Him and align to His will for your life.
  • After your worship session, take up your Bible, open to any chapter you feel like and start reading. Ask Him to come and teach you His words, so that you can be renewed by it. Never read your bible without asking the Holy Spirit to come and teach you, otherwise you may just be reading the bible like any other story book without any spiritual backing, revelation and transformation. The bible has the ability to renew and transform you while you feast on it. This is so, because it is the word of God and Jesus is made manifest in it. 

John 1.1 says “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” Anytime you read your Bible, God is speaking. 

  • When you are done reading the Bible, ask yourself what did God just say to me through His word? Sit still and reflect on it, then write down whatever comes into your mind. Remember He is there beside you and His Spirit is leading you. 
  • Then, take up your Christian book on spiritual growth or building a relationship with God and start reading. Once more, ask Him to come and teach and illuminate what you are reading so that your spirit man can be blessed. Now, with a pen in hand, start marking out those places that speak about issues concerning you. 
  • When you are done with all these, take a break and just sit still. Tell Him to speak to you. You may just sit for a few minutes and then you leave. He will decide how and when to speak. The reason I prefer choosing night time for covenant time is because you can always go back to sleep and expect divine revelations. 
  1. Living a disciplined life: some Christians live a carefree life. They cannot account for the time they spend each day. Remember what the book of Ephesians says in 5:15-17 “So, then, be careful how you live. Do not be unwise but wise, making the best use of your time because the times are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.” 

So, how do you apply this to your life? It means every minute of your life matters to God. What are you doing with your time? Watching TV? Chatting on social media? Visiting friends, so you can spend time talking about things that will not add value to your life? Commenting on every post you see on social media? What about sleeping all day? If you desire to hear God, then you need to change your lifestyle and be more accountable and productive with your time. Being productive here, doesn’t necessarily mean you must be working in an office or doing business. I understand a lot of people are jobless and that’s not entirely their fault, but even in that state of joblessness, you can still be productive by engaging in spiritual matters. Use that idle time to pray, but this time around stop asking for money, job, spouse, etc. Start asking for His presence in your life. Remember, His presence makes the difference in your life. Being a carrier of God’s presence causes doors of opportunities to open of their own accord. What you spent months praying for begin to come to you with ease. The reason? His presence goes before you and causes men to rise up and favour you. 

Remember the Ark of Covenant in the old testament? Anywhere the Ark was taken to, unusual things began to happen and always in favour of the Israelites. The Ark signified the presence of God with them. Today, that same Ark is with us, in the person of the Holy Spirit. 

  1. In all you do, always ask God for His will to be done: Proverbs 16.3 says “Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed.”

How do you practice this in your daily life? You can do this by making a habit of always saying ” Lord, I want to do this but let your will prevail” Do you wish to go to a certain place for vacation? Before you make those arrangements, pause and say that prayer above. You will be surprised at the turn of event if it isn’t God’s will. How about hanging out with friends? Also pray the same prayer and allow Him decide. So, whatever decision you want to make, always pause and say that prayer. It’s vital in living a God driven life. 

  1. Consecrate yourself to God: last but not the least, dedicate yourself to God and be willing to use your resources, talent and time for God. All that you are and have belong to God, so let Him decide how they should be used. If you are an artist, use it to glorify God. A teacher? Teach with heaven in mind. An influencer? Let your influence make people long for Jesus.  A writer? Write to glorify God. A public speaker? Use that platform to win souls for God. Nothing of yours should be used to expand the kingdom of satan. In all you do, ask yourself, will this action of mine draw people to Jesus or push them further away from Him? 

Finally, if you know you have a calling upon your life, this is the right time to answer that call. Please stop shying away from what God has purposed to do with your life. You are alive today, simply because of the Father’s love. Why are you running away from your father? Answering God’s call is what will enable you live a fulfilled life. 

4.            WAYS GOD SPEAKS TO US.

There are various ways God speak to His children and we will choose a few to discuss in this book. 

No one can dictate to God how He should speak to us. God decides the best means to communicate with each of us, just be willing to submit to His authority and obey what He tells you. The surest way to keep hearing God’s voice is to do what He says. Once you start disobeying Him and refuse to listen to what He tells you, maybe because it’s not palatable to you, then He will stop speaking. God deals with serious minded people. 

  1. A still small voice: The Holy Spirit resides in us, so if we allow God to purge us and spend time with Him, you will begin to hear a voice within you speak. This usually happens after you have prayed that His will be done concerning a particular issue or matter. Of course, He can always speak to you at other times too, so be conscious of that still small voice and practice the habit of listening. Remember, whatever you hear must align with God’s word. God is not the author of confusion. He cannot ask you to do what the Bible has forbidden us from doing. So what you hear in your spirit must tally with the word of God. Also, remember to ask Him for another confirmation if you are not sure you heard Him right. Sometimes, this confirmation may come through other means like a book you are reading, a phone call from someone you know and the person will say almost the same thing you heard in your spirit, sometimes you turn on your TV and the next thing you hear corresponds with what you earlier heard. So these are just a few ways He may choose to confirm what you heard earlier but definitely not limited to these. 
  2. The Bible: Anytime you read your bible, God is speaking. Unfortunately, over familiarity with the bible has made us not to realize that God is actually speaking to us when we read His word. Most times, people read the bible just because we are in church and the preacher has requested that the congregation should open to a place in the bible and read, after that the Bible is back on the shelf. Or, maybe you have a prayer request to present to the Lord, once again you dash for the bible for a quick reference verse to back up your request and then off you go again, no more bible till the next prayer request surfaces. 

This is certainly not how God designed for us to use the bible. The bible is such a powerful tool in our hands, given to us to enable us communicate with our Father in Heaven and also to live a victorious life on earth. 

When you are in trouble or a crossroad, the word of God says in Jeremiah 33.3 “call unto me and I will answer you, and I will show you great and mighty things that you know not”

How do you call unto God? By prayer, and also by meditating on His words.

Next time something bothers you, or you need to know God’s mind concerning that issue, pick up your Bible and open to anywhere God lays in your heart, read it and ponder on it. Was that bible portion talking about discipline? Then search yourself and see where it’s applicable in your life. That bible verse may be speaking about idol, then perhaps what you have in mind has gradually become an idol to you. You are placing far more importance on it, than God. Even your phone, friends, project, etc can become an idol once it begins to interfere with your relationship with God. 

So next time you read your bible, pay great attention to what it says, and then see which area of your life it is addressing. 

  1. Prayer: When we pray to God, we have already kick-started a communication process with God. However, the problem here is that most of us engage in a one way prayer. That’s to say, after praying, we don’t wait to hear what God has to say in return. We do all the talking, then stand up and leave His presence without waiting for a feedback. Have you ever experienced a situation whereby, while you were praying you had a strong impression in your heart concerning the matter you were presenting to God? What did you do about the impression after prayer? You forgot about it or you brushed it aside? That may have been the answer to your prayer or a key to the solution of that problem. Next time, don’t brush it off, store it in your heart and act on it after prayer. It could be an idea you need to develop on, a call to someone who may have the answer to that prayer request, a duty to fulfill or something you are yet to complete, etc. 
  2. Be sensitive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit: we have been bought with a price and we belong to God, therefore His Spirit dwells in us to lead and direct our paths daily. It’s our responsibility to pay attention to what He is saying and to make a conscious effort to walk in the way He lays out before us whether it’s conducive or not. 

The Holy Spirit prompts us daily in various ways like, losing your peace after a conversation. What were you discussing? Did it glorify God or was it filled with profanity? Have you decided to go visit someone or some place, and all of a sudden you can’t find your car keys? Your keys haven’t disappeared, it’s just a little way of God trying to get your attention and make you reconsider your mission. Did someone just say something you didn’t like and when you were about to respond, you bit your lips? It sounds dramatic right? But it does happen to people but they fail to realize God was trying to pass a message to them to keep silent and not respond. What about that phone call that won’t go through? There seems to be no network or poor connection whenever you desire to speak to that person, please pause and pray about it, God may be saying something. What about that admission you have been seeking and yet nothing is forthcoming? Go back to prayer and ask God if that’s the institution He would want you to attend or if that’s the course He has purposed for you to study. Most people have missed it in life because they never paused to ask God which career path He has laid out for them. They just followed what was trending, or their parents took the decision on their behalf, etc. No wonder, upon completion of their studies, there seems to be no head way for them in life. Why? Because God was never the foundation of their studies. They simply did what they felt was right. The bible says in Proverbs 14:12 “there is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death”. How about people who go into marriage without hearing from God? Today, many marriages have hit the rocks due to lack of spiritual due diligence before marriage. We cannot keep living life like gamblers, gambling away our precious time and life on the table of canal mindedness and spiritual insensitivity.  

That notwithstanding, we have a merciful Father who is ever willing to change our circumstances for good, if only we will yield our lives to Him and depart from our old way of life. 

There are numerous instances God speaks to us through His prompting but it’s impossible to list them all here. The most important thing is to wake each day with the intention to allow His Spirit lead and then be sensitive and obey. Disobedience disconnects us from God. If you desire Him to keep speaking, then be willing to obey. Also, pray daily to be filled with His Spirit, so you can easily discern His voice.

  1. God speaks to us through people: God may choose to speak to us through men and women we come across as we journey through life with Him. It could be a clergy, group leaders in church, our parents, our children (yes, you heard me right, children, I believe it’s because they are innocent and more willing to say what God lays in their heart). God can speak to you through your friends too, that’s why it’s imperative to surround yourself with godly people. The bible has this to say; 

“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend” (NLT).

  1. God speaks to us through dreams; this is one of the easiest ways we can hear God speak concerning any area of our lives. I believe God uses this method most times to communicate to His children who are not yet spiritually matured to discern His voice when He speaks as a still small voice. Dreams and revelations have been a common means of hearing God speak, even right in the bible there are so many instances God spoke to His people using this way. People like Joseph, the dreamer is a popular example that we all know about. 

I strongly encourage people to cultivate the habit of taking their dream life seriously. A Lot of information is being passed through this channel and no one is making good use of it. Job 33:15 says “He speaks in dreams, in visions of the night, when deep sleep falls on people as they lie in their beds”. 

God created us in His image and likeness, there are three persons in one God, we also are three in one. We have a body, soul and spirit. So while you sleep, your spirit man is the one you see in dreams. Sadly, this is the time the enemy also targets, in order to sow tares in our dreams. You will agree with me that not all dreams come from God, so we need to watch and pray. Please don’t just lay down and sleep without praying, no matter how worn out you may be. Purge yourself of every impurities that may affect the free flow of information from God to you and then commit your sleep into God’s hands.

To fully understand what God is saying in your dreams, you need the help of the Holy Spirit. He is the one who will grant you the insight and interpretation to those dreams. So next time you have a dream and seem not to understand the message embedded in it, call on the Holy Spirit. Even the ones you can’t remember after waking up, invite Him to help you sort them out and He will lead you through. 

  1. Trance: “On the next day, as they were on their way and approaching the city, Peter went up on the housetop about the sixth hour to pray. But he became hungry and was desiring to eat; but while they were making preparations, he fell into a trance; and he *saw the sky opened up, and an object like a great sheet coming down, lowered by four corners to the ground” (Acts 10:9-11).

From the above Bible passage, you will agree with me that God can speak to you through a trance. In this case, you are not totally asleep, you are a bit conscious of your surroundings, and this usually happens when you are in intense prayer, worship, meditating on His word, etc. Trance is usually short and precise, like a vision. I believe God uses this means to speak when He has urgent information to pass. As earlier stated, whatever dreams, revelations or trance you have, check that it doesn’t go contrary to the scriptures. It must always align with God’s word. 

5. THINGS THAT HINDER US FROM HEARING  GOD. 

Our God is a God of rule and order. He has given us rules and guidelines to help us walk in harmony with Him. God is disciplined and organized, and He expects us to live a disciplined life too. We may not be perfect, but at least make conscious effort to stay on the path God has called you to, the path of righteousness and holiness. Listed below are things that can hinder you from hearing  God: 

  1. Laziness: to maintain an effective communication link with God requires hard work. Your prayer life must be topnotch. The importance of prayer in the life of a believer cannot be over emphasized. It is the life wire of Christianity, even Jesus Christ didn’t joke with it. He spent quality time praying, rising as early as possible to go to mountains and pray alone. 

Some Christians will tell you Jesus has paid the price already, so they don’t need to pray, but the Bible says “pray without ceasing”. Most of them are shying away from prayer because it requires time and dedication. You must create out time daily for prayer, aside from the ones done in church. You need your own personal prayer altar, burning continuously. This is no job for a lazy man because it will deprive you of some comfort, but I tell you it’s worth every sweat of it. 

Don’t neglect your quiet time, where you study the word of God for yourself, this will safeguard you from the lies being preached now as truth. Unfortunately, many are entangled in this web of falsehood because they are too lazy to search the Bible for themselves and know the truth. 

Please note that your prayer time, quiet time and covenant time all have separate times. For example, you pray at midnight for 30 minutes, you may choose to do your covenant time by 12.30am, and then sleep. Then 5am could be your quiet time. This is just an example, not a standard. 

  1. Disobedience: as you journey along with God, He may set some personal rules just for you. Meaning, others may do it but you can’t because He has set you apart for a purpose. For instance, you may plan going for a party with friends, but He will ask you to stay back and read a Christian book or study the Bible. If you disobey and go for the party, then you have started the process of gradually disconnecting yourself from God. Can you recall what disobedience caused Adam and Eve? Stick to His instructions and you will enjoy a free flow of communication with Him. 
  2. Skipping your covenant time: remember your covenant time? When you promised God to be always available at a particular hour to spend time with Him? Well, it’s essential we don’t miss that time or go late. Missing it once or twice is understandable but making it a habit will certainly hinder us from hearing God speak. God is a covenant keeping God, so honour yours too. During your covenant time with God, a lot of things take place which we may not even be aware until we see the manifestation in real life. While you spend time in His presence, His glory comes upon you but you can’t see this except He chooses to reveal it to you. Remember Moses? After he spent forty days with God on the mountain, and came down, the Bible records that his face shown (Exodus 34:29-35). Are you wondering why this happened? It’s because the glory of the Lord came upon Him after spending so much time there. The same is applicable today but don’t expect a shiny face, rather demons will begin to bow out of your way because you are now a carrier of His glory/presence.
  3. Evil communication: sometimes I wonder how true born again Christians feel comfortable sharing dirty jokes. I mean, what exactly are you going to achieve sitting in the counsel of the ungodly? What comes out of your mouth gives us an insight to who you really are. Make conscious effort to speak edifying words, avoid conversations that will pollute your spirit man. Mind what you listen to, it gradually robs off on you. We are not perfect, so occasionally we may default in this area, but constantly making a habit of it, isn’t going to help your walk with God and this will certainly affect you hearing God. 1 Corinthians 15:33 says “Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners”. So please, let’s make conscious effort to filter what proceeds from our mouths.

We have come to the end of this ebook. I hope you were blessed. If you desire to reach the author, please send an email to maryaukpong@gmail.com

Thank you.

:)